New Beginning

O díle

I was walking through a path full of darkness and pain that made me unable to do anything, let alone create something. I was walking through the fantasies of my mind, blinded by my ego together with my deeply wounded emotional body.

You see, I am in a relationship that showed me how wounded I was. It showed me the pain of the past that I was projecting on her. My ego was trying to convince me that she was hurting me when in reality it had nothing to do with her. I was only reexperiencing my long-forgotten emotions over and over.

This time though, when it got too far, I decided to do something a little bit different about it. I decided to dive deep into the wound. I decided to be there with the emotion. Although I didn’t feel a big shift at the moment, it seems to me now that things have changed since then. I feel far less reactive to the things that would have triggered me before.

Now it seems to me that a hurting emotion like this one is not a part of the ego. It’s as if the emotion is triggered by a thought or a situation similar to the one unresolved before, and then the ego creates a story about it that you believe unless you are really conscious of it. When I was with the emotion, I was focusing on only it and not the thoughts around it. And now when I see a triggering thought, the emotional feedback is not overwhelming anymore.

But now it’s time to move on. It’s time to start focusing on what I want to accomplish in life, on my purpose. That also includes my amazing woman and I joining hands because we have a common life calling which is to share our story and inspire others in many different ways.